How to Ensure Dissatisfaction is a Key to Success

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In the important areas of our lives, dissatisfaction is a positive - a way to constantly improve. At the same time, dissatisfaction has its limitations. Applying dissatisfaction to many areas of life just leads to frustration and regret.

How to Ensure Dissatisfaction is a Key to Success

In my first job, as a salesman with Procter and Gamble, at the annual sales meeting the Vice President of Sales got up and gave a speech on "divine discontent." He told us we should never be satisfied with what is, we should always be striving for more, we should be aiming for the stars. We all got up and cheered and applauded. That was years ago, and the message in that speech has always stuck with me. He was right - being content with the status quo as a salesman is a recipe for failure.

We are constantly given the message that to stay in place is to lose ground; that today is all we have; that the future can be better, if we make it so. Those are all terrific messages and beliefs, and shape the behaviors and motivators of achievers.

But taken too far, those messages and beliefs can become a trap that can lead to all kinds of problems. Problems that grow out of the habit of thought called dissatisfaction. And that dissatisfaction - that habit of thought that can be so positively powerful, can lead to failure, dropping out, leaving things unfinished, procrastination, perfectionism and constant frustration.

In the new Woody Allen movie, " Vicky Cristina Barcelona," in a very intense scene, Maria Elena, Penelope Cruz's character, accuses Cristina, Scarlett Johannson's character, of being addicted to dissatisfaction.

"Addicted to Dissatisfaction." What a great description! That state of mind where everything can be better - or different. That place where whatever is being done is not good enough. Where there is always something more important, more exciting, more fulfilling, more valuable, more rewarding. It's being in that emotional place where nothing seems to be right, where everything is just a little bit off, a little bit less than desired.

We've all met people who seem to focus only on what didn't happen, what wasn't just right, what didn't meet standards, what was a little off balance. Their dissatisfaction just sucks the life out of whatever it is they have focused on.

And when dissatisfaction extends to the unimportant areas, and it's easy for that to happen, dissatisfaction becomes a destructive force. And recognizing that it has happened is often difficult. But "Addiction to Dissatisfaction"can negatively affect relationships, performance, health.

How to focus dissatisfaction on the important few, and adopt a more tolerant approach to the unimportant many - to get rid of an "Addiction To Dissatisfaction"?

The first step is recognizing the symptoms. Here are ten key symptoms of "Addiction To Dissatisfaction.".

1 - Being unable to separate the really important from the not really important. Treating everything the same, with the same intensity and focus.

2 - Increasing a performance expectation as soon as soon as the old expectation is met - without regard to its real importance.

3 - Criticizing yourself for not doing more - whatever that means. And then extending that criticism to other people, situations and solutions.

4 - Finding it difficult if not impossible to celebrate victories because they fall short of the ideal.

5 - Considering "good enough" to be unacceptable performance - on anything.

6 - Being convinced that you could have done much better if you had more time, more training, more focus, more resources. Feeling that what you did wasn't your best work.

7 - Feeling that the people you associate with, work with, live with are not quite up to snuff, Not quite what you imagined, not quite what you expected, not quite what you hoped for.

8 - Striving for the ideal solution, behavior, outcome, and being satisfied with nothing less, without measuring the importance.

9 - Judging accomplishment against the ideal, and finding fault with the difference between the two - without evaluating the importance of the difference - or the accomplishment.

10 - Thinking that there are more important things to be done than what is being done now - without being able to really define what those more important things are.

Once recognized, how can you overcome this Addiction to Dissatisfaction while keeping dissatisfaction as a key to improvement in the important things?

It starts with being aware that this habit of thought is imbedded in motivators and behaviors. Start by reviewing the key symptoms, and determine if they describe you. You can't fix something that you don't know exists on a conscious level.

And then:
- Treat only the very few really important things as worthy of constant striving. Constant striving on everything just leads to never doing anything very well.

- Realize and accept that "good enough" ain't bad - almost all of the time.

- Create SMART goals - for only the few important things and be satisfied with meeting the goals and then celebrate meeting them. SMART stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic/Relevant, Time framed.

- Create goals that align with the goals of others who have influence over what you consider important - like your job. Continue to resist the very human impulse to add goals - keep the truly important to 3 to 5 goals - no more.

- Understand and accept that "meeting goals" for SMART goals is excellent performance.

- Beware of goal creep - that self inflicted monster that keeps moving the bar higher and higher - even when it makes little if any sense.

- Accept that there are areas in your life where performance is not what it is in the core areas - that doesn't mean failure - it means being human.

- Be as focused as that fabled fictional detective, Sherlock Holmes. In one scene he tells his assistant, Dr Watson, that he doesn't care if the moon goes around the sun or the earth goes around the sun. It makes no difference to him - all that knowledge could do to him would be to divert him from his truly important work. That work - in his case - is being the best detective he can be. Focus works to brush aside dissatisfaction with the trivial many.

Then keep striving - on the few things where striving will make a difference. Watch that Addiction To Dissatisfaction disappear, and be replaced by effective, focused accomplishment.

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Character Education Programs For Academic Success and Play

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Our children will be returning to days of regimented learning when they return to school next week. Unlike previous years, Lela won't be learning Mandarain, Spanish, theater or knitting. After school, she'll probably walk home, perhaps with friends from her neighborhood, and play and relax.

Character Education Programs For Academic Success and Play

During the last twenty years, our kids have been robbed of at least eight hours of leisurely, spontaneous and unstructured play time every week. Compared to children from sixty years ago, it's fairly obvious that our children's ability to regulate their own behavior, control their impulses and understand their emotions is much worse. Studies have shown an alarming trend in self-regulation; our five-year-olds behave like 1940's three-year-olds, and our seven-year-olds have the same emotional capacity as five-year-olds from that same period.

Unstructured recreation, led by children, add to a child's emotional health, as well as their social, physical and intellectual skills. Unstructured play can teach children to successfully work in groups, as well as how to negotiate, resolve conflicts, share, speak up, and regulate their own behavior and emotions. Another study has revealed that children who attend traditional, academic preschools do not have an educational advantage in reading or math over children who attended preschools that focused on play - but they did have elevated test anxiety, decreased creativity, and more negative feelings about school than children who attended play-based preschools.

By allowing your children to lead their own play, and not questioning the roles that they assume or the structure of their games, we don't have to worry about dominating their play experiences. Unless your children are being unfriendly, don't attempt to correct their methods of play. Remove yourself from the immediate situation if you find yourself expressing frustration or disdain for the ways that your children choose to play, and allow your child the free play time. It is important to let them lead, and still spend time doing things that you both enjoy.

In my personal experience, rough-housing with my kids really increases our connection. I tend to skip participating in their make-believe play, because it's difficult for me to enjoy, and I become bored. History doesn't show us many examples of parents playing with their children, and even 75% of the world would find it unnatural for a child and parent to play together on the floor. Once your kids reach the age of four or five, it's completely normal for parents to step back from their children's play and let them control it for themselves. This is how children learn to get along with their peers, and how to entertain themselves. A kid with an imaginary friend isn't troubled or crazy; actually, studies have shown that these kids are more apt to interact, laugh and smile in social situations.

By projecting their own personalities and interacting with plush creatures with pretend personalities, kids develop the necessary skills to focus on their relationships with other kids. Pretend play with a group of children can stimulate intellectual and social skills in children, which subsequently helps them in school. 30 minutes is the minimum amount of time that kids should play. It's even better to let this play last several hours. Instead of using manufactured toys for props, encourage children to substitute common objects in their play, such as sticks for wands, and boxes for houses or cars. It's unfortunate, but there aren't many neighborhoods where a child under ten can walk the dog without a parent. We're not doing what we should as a society by allowing unmoderated play disappear from out children's lives; we value play less because of academics that take over our children's lives, but we need to protect and implement play for all of our children.

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You Can Fix Your Relationship, Make Up Success

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The art to "fix relationship" is not a natural thing for most of us, it is something that needs to be learned and also something that takes allot of hard work! The fact in the world today is that many of us struggle with the simple fundamentals of a happy relationship, generally due to a lack of example or just to damned stubborn to listen to the close people with the best advise. People of all ages are getting into relationships which constantly have there ups and downs, which can lead to severe tension with the possibility to breaking up, and statistically speaking such are from even the littlest of thing can become so ridiculously huge. Gaining some new and simple tools can save for yourself a lot of heartache and pain...

You Can Fix Your Relationship, Make Up Success

Here are some important factors to fix your relationship!

Dedicate time to put effort in your relationship! If there is an undeniable spark with strong feelings then you really need to sit back and think about all the positive things that you have going. When it come to communicating and working out what may be wrong you need to be sure of what they are honestly, and you need to be aware of what it is that makes you angry, one very important thing for those angry points when you got to them is to take time out! With anger there is many different emotions that create it , so generally needs further evaluation. Quite often is just a miss understanding of what is been said... Its necessary also to gain some understanding to how your partner works, as males and females we see things totally different from one another and does lead to some form of confusion especially in confrontation...

Give each other compulsory time out!

Having some alone time to think and reflect,or even just enjoying a personal hobby of some sort is very important, even spending time with your friends, its all about character. For the two of you, you should be able to learn and consider what each others needs and want are in this category and work out a compromise that will suit you both. Learn to accept the things that you can not change that you partner needs to be his or her self, and learn the wisdom to be able to change what you need to reach that happy medium that suits you both...

Get your self back on track!

If your relationship has gone rapidly downhill and you personally don't feel happy then you should really focus on yourself and solely on yourself! For any relationship to be healthy you definitely need to be happy. Often in relationships we there becomes an unrealized control thing that happens like being forced to wear different clothes, or eat different things, even act in a completely different way and although sometimes this can be for the positive, when its not it can make one very miserable. So what I am saying if this is you then you need to be you again, after all it was that you what attracted them in the first place.

All in all to fix relationship you need to clear about how you feel and what you want, focus on what you guys need and how you are going to get there, Remain positive with your thoughts and bring laughter and happiness back into your picture. For a more highly recommended detailed guide please click here.

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